Umbridge Return
by Daydrae
Summary: During their seventh year,Harry, Ron and Hermione have just discovered that Umbridge has recovered the title of headmisstress of Hogwarts. Harry has a plan... involving rabbits. And who are the two mysterious old ladies, Dotty amd Agatha? Please R&R!
1. The Unfortunate Beginning

'ELLO! This is my first fanfic EVER. Please R&R. Only constructive criticism please.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1:

"Oh, Harry!" The fairly screechy voice of Romilda Vane called out in what she supposed was a singsong voice.

Harry groaned inwardly. Hermione said that he should be nice to her but not to lead her on. How was that possible? Any time he looked at her she thought that he ways secretly burning with unprofessed love for her.

"Hi." Harry sighed and tried to rush passed her without making eye contact. No! She had a grip on his robes! There was no escape now! She was reeling him in!

"My aunt sent me these." She pushed a box into his hands. "Unfortunately, I can't stand the sight of them. But I'd like you to have them."

The box was full of chocolate frogs.

"Sorry, I still haven't gotten over the Caldron Cakes from last year yet." Harry pushed them back into her hands still avoiding eye contact. His gut was twisting unpleasantly. "Thanks, anyway."

" Don't worry." Romilda said, fluttering her eyelashes.

"HARRY!" Ron ran up, panting. "I've been searching all over the castle for you, mate. I need your expert advice on the Defense Against the Dark Arts essay." He put an arm over Harry's shoulder and began walking away from Romilda.

"Thank you." Harry said as soon as they were far enough away.

"Thank my sister." Ron's freckled face grinned. "Apparently, Romilda hasn't been to fond of me since she found out what happened to those Caldron Cakes. Anyway, Ginny asked me to rescue you. She felt you were in need of assistance."

"And you were needed, you have no IDEA, how much." Harry rolled his eyes. I swear she has a homing device implanted in me."

"What's a homing device?" Ron asked cocking his head.

"Never mind." Harry laughed.

Ron shrugged, "Oi! Hermione!"

"Hey!" Hermione came running up. "Have you two read the Daily Prophet?"

"Why? If there's anything important you'll tell us." Ron rolled his eyes.

"Honestly!" Hermione glared. "What is I stopped talking to you? Then how would you pass any of your classes or know what's going on in the world, Roonil Wazlib?" Hermione's voice took on an acid tone as she reminded Ron of an almost disastrous (yet hilariously funny) period when a spell-checker quill's spell had started to wear off.

"Well?" Harry was getting impatient. "What did the Prophet say?"

"Oh." Hermione looked flustered. She took out a paper "Here. It says: Former Hogwarts Headmistress, Delores Umbridge, had been released from St. Mungo's Hospital and had voiced a goal to regain the position. Several students have commended Madam Umbridge and said they hoped for her return. Today the governors have cast an almost unanimous vote to restore Madam Umbrige to the headmistresscy." Hermione's voice took on an air of gloom as she read the excerpt.

Harry's face was smiling.

"Harry?" Ron cocked his head. "Are you sane?"

"Perfectly" Harry grinned. "I don't think she learned just how vengeful students can be."

Ron grinned twice as wide as Harry. "Let the Umbridge Bashing begin!"

"Fred and George just bought a place in Hogsmead, right?" Hermione grinned wickedly.

"Yeah, but Hermione…" Ron's voice faltered.

"This is so unlike you." Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Where that evil witch-with-a-b is concerned," Hermione's face glowed with a look of evil excitement. "I think you need to be a little different."

"Neville!" Harry crashed into the common room door. "We need your help with a potion!"

"P-p-potion?" Neville stuttered.

"Yes! We need you to try and make Felix Felicis."

"But everyone knows I suck at potions!"

"Yes! And we want you to screw this one up really bad!" Hermione urged.

"In fact," Harry got a mischievous glint in his eye. "I want everyone in this common room to experiment with potions and spells! We're going to need a hell of a lot of them!"


	2. Rabbit Escapade

Thanks for comming backand reading Chapter two! I really love all you guys! I hope you enjoy the Invasion!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Harry…" Fred raised his eyebrows. "I understand the circumstances and we really want to help you and we would help you in any way…"

"But I don't know if we can get a hold on that many rabbits." George crossed his arms.

"Come on!" Harry grinned. "If you two can create a giant swamp in the main hall. You can get a hold on a few hundred rabbits."

"Fred," George rubbed his hands together. "I think that this could be one of our greatest achievements."

" We may have to raid a few Muggle pet shops. I guess it could be done." Fred grinned maliciously.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Umbridge's first day as headmistress of Hogwarts was spent very much like her other first day. Except that she was busy expelling horribly mutated rabbits. Neville's rabbits were rather funny, since they changed into the object of their choice with a loud crack every five minutes before changing back into mauve colored rabbits with gargantuan antlers. Hermione's was a little more disappointing. She had successfully made her rabbits perform an all rabbit rendition of "Swan Lake" with the occasional performance of Macbeth in perfect Scottish accents. Okay, Macbeth was hilarious, but "Swan Lake" got boring after the fourth time. Ron's rabbits were bright green and wandered, well, rolled around the school and spread lines of lavender paint where ever they went.

"Ron," Hermione asked, her eyebrows raised. "How did you get the green rabbits with lavender paint?"

"I dunno about the green, but that lavender is probably from the seven strands of Lavender Brown's hair I added to the potion." Ron shrugged.

"Interesting." Harry pushed his glasses back into postion.

"POTTER!" Filch roared into the classroom.

"Mister Filch!' Flitwick squeeked."Thank good you're here! We've been infested by somm of those horrid rabbits. These seem to be abale to melt." He pointed to a canary yellow puddle that had about twelve ears that were upright and appeared to be swimming through the mire. "Please inform Madam Umbridge so she can take care of it. I don't think I know the right charm to right them."

"But...but...but..." Filch stuttered.

"Oh, yes. You had a message for Mister Potter." Flitwick smiled.

"The headmistress would like to see him at the end of the lesson." Filch mumbled berfor rushing out of the room.

"Potter, "Flitwick said in a warning tone, but his eyes held a fun-loving twinkle and he was smiling. "have you been doing something to annoy Madam Umbridge?"

"No, sir!" Harry said quickly. "I would never do something on Madam Umbridge's first dayback! Then she might leave us!"

"We wouldn't want that!" Flitwick smiled wider.

Umbridge entered, looking flustered. "F...Filch told me you had an infe...infestation of s...s...soupy yellow rabbits." She gasped.

"That's right." Flitwick said brightly. "They're over in the corner Madam Headmistress. I had my students herd them there. I tried and there isno wayI seeto get rid of the pesky varmints."

Umbridge looked pained. "Really?"

"You've had lots of luck with the other cases. Right?" Flitwick asked innocently.

"Erm... yes. It has been difficult but I think I have done something. Professor Slughorn has offered tohelp me with the project of getting rid of them."Umbridge looked around wildly.

"Harry?" Ron asked.

"Don't worry." Harry smiled. "Ido belive that all the teachers are onour side. In fact I know Professor Slughorn is. I asked him what would one do about an invaision of mutated rabbits and he said that he would ask the headmistress to show him to get rid of them."


	3. Welcome Back Feast

Welcome all those that came back to read chapter three! This chapter showsmy weak point for none other than Sirius Black! It also shows that Harry is still very interested in Ginny Weasly. (Aww! How cute! They Really do make a cute couple.)

Thank you Deb-lil! Not only are you a my best rater you are very good at keeping up with the chapters! Merci!

Now, please welcome chapter 3!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"And so, young witches and wizards, be wary of rule breaking." Umbridge gave a syrupy smile. "For with the War against the Dark Lord we must be sure that you are completely safe here. I also thank you for being helpfull with the infestation of rabbitts today. And since Professor McGonagal was unable to find a teacher willing to take the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, I will be filling in until a suitable replacement has been found.

"Didn't Dobby apply for the position?" Hermione whispered into Harry's ear.

"Yep." Harry gave a sarcastic smile " And he was going to get it, to. Then Umbridge came along and issued Wizarding Decree Number 29" Harry crossed his eyes and mimicked Umbridge's syrupy voice. " The only persons that can hold teaching positions are human witches and wizards."

"That toad-head!" Ron seethed. "Not only did she ban Dobby from teaching but Hagrid too!"

"Yep." Harry glared. "Just start the feast already. Then I might feel better."

"Is the decree still posted?" Hermione asked, her head cocked.

"Yeah." Harry pushed his fingers through his messy hair. "Why?"

"Nothing special." Hermione sat back, her arms crossed. Then she stood up suddenly.

"Hermione!" Ron hissed. "What on God's green earth are you doing? You can't leave during a teacher's speech"

"Bathroom." She said simply

Harry and Ron watched as she walked over to the big doors. Umbridge was busy talking about how Professor Slughorn had helped her get her past job at the Ministry. Professor Slughorn looked as though he wanted to run from the toad-like woman and hide. Harry and Ron were almost lulled to sleep like Professor Vector, (who was snoring slightly) when Hermione returned with a satisfied look on her face.

"What did you do?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

"I got Hagrid and Dobby's job back." She hissed.

"Alright. I'm not going to ask how, because I have a feeling I don't want to know." Ron leaned back in his chair.

"… now let us begin the feast" Umbridge smiled.

"Finally!" Harry grinned.

"Delores?" McGonagal stood up.

"Yes, Minerva?" Umbridge said sweetly.

"I would like to propose a toast." McGonagal raised her glass "To Dumbledore. The best headmaster Hogwarts has ever had. Also to Sirius Black. We thank him for finding He- Who- Must- Not-Be Named's servant. May their memories never be forgotten"

"To Dumbledore and Sirius." The Great hall roared. Harry looked at Umbridge's bloated figure, a challenging look on his face.

Umbridge's face was purple with rage. Professor McGonagal had just put her two most hated enemies on a pedestal. She slowly took a sip of her red wine. Her face turned so purple it looked black. She spewed like a breaching whale, sending a shower of red wine over Professor Trelawney.

"Really!" She wiped off her large glasses. "I should have known that this would have happened if I came down here. I must go back to my tower and change my clothes." She stood up and left.

"Vinegar!" Umbridge roared, putting her glass down on the table.

"Delores!" McGonagal said in a warning tone.

"Dobby was more than happy to help me." Harry whispered to Ron with a grin on his face.

"Harry!"An anxious whisper sounded behind him. "What's going on?"

"Hey Ginny!" Harry tried not to sound to excited. "We're just plotting against our new headmistress."

"I know that. Did you like my rabbits,by the way?"

"Those we the ones that had wings, right?"Hermione asked.

"Yeah, they dropped confetti that gave you the Bat Bogey hex." Harry grinned."Those were kinda cool."

"ARRRGGG!" Umbridge yelled as the platter of food turned into a platefull of rabbit medley. Which consisted of various rabbits Dobby andother house elves were able to capture.

"This party is over!" Umbridge stormed out of the Great hall.The rest of theschool sat in stunned silence.In no more than a few minutes shouting could be heard.

"Prefects coming through." Ron pushed through the gaggle of younger students.

In front of the crowd, was a wooden table where two witches sat.

"Dotty, dear," One said to the other. " I don't belive thiswoman wishes to join us."

"Oh! But she must have a cup of tea! Agatha, I would be deeply hurt if she didn't." Dotty pushed a floweredteacup over toUmbridge.

"I will not sit with you!" Umbridge howled at the elderly witches.

"Is this what you did?" Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Of course not!" Hermioneglared.

"No one is capable of pulling this off...except for two people." Ron grinned. "Fred and George!"

"You must try the biscotti, at least!" "Agatha" pressed the tin into Umbridge's fat hands.

"First, mutated rabbits and now I ambeing attacked by old ladies woth biscotti!" Umbridge burst a gasket."I want you, your tea things, your table, and your chairs out ofthis establishment!"

"I'mhurt!You're an evil witch!"Dotty cried.

"Now look what you've done!" Agatha yelled. "Take this!" andwitha huge bang the tea table shot out hittingUmbridge in the gut. And in the confusion a firework was lit sending smoke everywhere.

"This way, mates!" Dotty croaked near Harry.

Laughing,Harry, Ron , Hermione, Ginny, Dotty, andAgatha rushed to the Gryfinndor common room.

"Polyjuice potion! Never fails!" Agathalaughed as her gray hair slowly resumed it'srd hue.

"Brother, " Dotty grinned. "You were excelent!"


	4. Dobby's first day

Hey y'all! Thanks for waiting for chapter 4!

Special thanks to SkittleQueen, Sylvia Silver'n Black, and of course mon amie, Deb-lil! And thanks for all you that reviewed! Please keep doing so!

Now sit back, relax, please turn off cell phones and be kind to the people sitting next to you! Enjoy the show!

"Dobby!" Harry waved vigorously at the diminutive house elf.

"Would Master Harry Potter please call me Professor Dobby in class." Dobby looked apologetically at his shoes.

"Sorry, sir." Harry grinned. "I didn't realize you were teaching."

"Oh, yes!" Dobby grinned happily. "Professor McGonagal came to me last night and told me that I was accepted to be a teacher. There had been a mistake in the new rule."

Hermione smiled wickedly, than recovered her composure. "We really should stop bothering the professor and find our seats."

"Would you look at Dobby's outfit!" Ron whistled, smiling. " I doubt anyone has worn a purple sweater with blue puffballs to their first day as a teacher!"

"No other teacher's like Dobby." Harry grinned, then turned to Hermione. "What did you do to get Dobby the job?"

"I just did a fairly simple spell that changed around the words in the decree." Hermione

set out her paper and ink with a smug smile on her face. "It was a fairly simple spell really."

"Well, Hagrid will be able to keep his job now." Harry sat back and smiled.

"Students! Students! Please settle down!" Dobby squeaked. "We must be ready to learn!" Never before had there been a happier house-elf. Dobby was grinning from ear to ear.

"What do you mean, slime?" A Slytherin boy sneered. "Aren't you here to clean the room?"

"That, sir, was a very disrespectful thing to say to Professor Dobby." Dobby looked at the boy with very hurt tennis ball eyes. "I will unfortunately have to give you a detention."

"That's laughable! A house-elf can't give a student detention!"

At that moment running footsteps were heard dashing out in the hallway, and Delores Umbridge, burst in the classroom.

"Very sorry children. I had to deal with one of those infernal rabbits. But we shall proceed with today's lesson as if nothing had happened."

"Finally!" The Slytherin rolled his eyes. "Our real teacher is here!"

"Headmistress?" Dobby peaked about her elbow. "I am here. No need for you to teach."

"No house-elf is to be in the occupied classrooms during teaching periods." Umbridge said with a hint of annoyance. "Be gone."

"But, Headmistress, I am the teacher."

"You cannot. According to Wizarding Decree Number 29…." She stopped short when she realized Dobby was very serious.

"Who told you that you could teach?" she asked with a cold toad-like glare.

"Professor McGonagal." Dobby looked as thought he was about to cry.

"I shall go and find her." Umbridge managed to say through gritted teeth. " I want no disruptions." She glared at the students as though all hell would break loose if the moved a finger.

"No need, Delores. I'm here." McGonagal stood in the doorway.

"Why did you tell him he could teach?" Umbridge pointed a finger at Dobby.

"Because he fit the job description." McGonagal raised her eyebrows. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"According to Wizarding Decree Number 29 no non-human may teach young witches and wizards." Umbridge said gleefully. " You have broken a Wizarding Decree! For that you are to spend six months in Azkaban! You and that obscenity!"

"I did no such thing." McGonagal looked ruffled. "Go and read the decree for yourself it says no such thing."

Umbridge flounced out haughtily with one last look at McGonagal.

Hermione snickered. "Just wait till she comes back."

Umbridge came puffing back with the decree in her hand.

"Someone messed with this!" She screeched.

"Headmistress!" Dobby covered his ears. "Dobby's poor ears!"

'This isn't the decree that I posted! Someone has changed around the wording!" she read off the piece of parchment " May young witches and no wizards teach non-humans. Someone has changed it!"

"Headmistress, you is disrupting my class, you is." Dobby bowed respectfully.

Umbridge looked as though she was going to turn on the diminutive teacher, then regained her composure and turned to leave. But before she turned out of sight she looked at the rows of students.

"I shall find out who did this. And when I do, that person will have hall to pay." She glared at Harry, who smiled grimly and raised his hand for her to see. The scars that read "I will not tell lies." stood out plainly.

I will not tell lies, Umbridge. This means war.


	5. Ferret Problems

Hey! I am very sorry I took so long in updating. Forgive me? I have been very mean to my reviewers. Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Merry Kwanzaa? That doesn't sound right. Happy Kwanzaa? That doesn't sound right, either. Whatever. If anyone knows the right way, please share it! Love y'all!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well done, Harry." An amused Fred rubbed his hands together. "I must admit that the rabbits were a stoke of pure genius, for an amateur."

" I learned from the best." Harry smiled at the compliment. "Now what to do next."

"Well, we should try and think of something new." George laid out a an aged piece of paper "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

"The Marauder's map? How'd you get it back?" Harry asked as ink spread across the paper.

"We convinced Messr. Moony to give it to us." Fred grinned.

"Now, we may begin to plan." George rubbed his hands together.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The morning dawned sharp and cold as Harry and Ron made their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast.

Dobby now sat at the teacher's table in the same type of chair that Professor Flitwick used. He was amiably chatting with Professor McGonagal.

Umbridge entered the Great Hall, with a new pet. A sleek brown ferret wrapped himself around the back of her neck.

" A ferret? Interesting choice." Hermione sniffed. "I suppose a weasel would be too obvious."

Ron chuckled. " It doesn't really matter. Every one hates her anyway."

"Everyone except Filch, that is." Harry grinned.

"Well, she still has to restore his approval for whipping." Ron grimaced, his freckles disappearing into his wrinkled nose.

Seamus turned white over his cornflakes. "I really hope she has other things to deal with."

"Well, he can't do anything to Peeves." Dean pointed out. "He was so happy that she was coming back and he could create more mischief and be appreciated for it."

After breakfast, the three friends headed to their first class of the day: Potions. They were half way down a flight of stairs from an emergency stop at the common room (Hermione had forgotten ink), when they saw Umbridge come up behind Dobby. Her ferret twisted itself off her shoulder and toward Dobby, who was carrying a load of books that was bigger than he was. The ferret wrapped itself around his ankles and caused him to stumble, and the books he was carrying to fly out of hands. The books came crashing down on a horribly surprised Umbridge.

"You IMBECILE!" She shrieked. "How DARE you! Dropping books on the Headmistress!"

"Dobby didn't do it on purpose!" Dobby squeaked. "A small furry thing caused poor Dobby to trip. But Dobby will punish himself if Headmistress so wishes."

"See that you do, slime." Umbridge stalked off.

Harry gritted his teeth. "That bitch."

Ron glared, then out of the corner of Harry's eye he thought he saw Ron slip something into his mouth.

Umbridge strode up the stairs as proud as you please. Harry shifted his weight to stick out his foot and trip her, but Ron stopped him, his face looking a trifle green.

" Professor Umbridge, I don't feel so good." He stepped out in front of her.

"Have your friends take you down to the hospital wing." She waved him away. "I don't have time for you."

Ron looked positively green now. "I don't think…" Then the torrent of projectile vomit began. And Umbridge was right in it's path.

Harry and Hermione could do nothing but watch in horror, disgust… and possibly a bit of amusement.

The spewing stopped after Umbridge was completely soaked from head to toe with a very recent breakfast. She stiffened. Hermione held her nose.

"Let's go to Madam Pomfrey." Harry steered Ron from the back. "She'll want to see you."

"You'll want to take a bath, Professor." Hermione wrinkled her nose and followed.

Umbridge made a noise that sounded like " Meep!" she didn't want to move her mouth and get the vomit in.

When they were out of earshot, Ron groaned. "Umbridgeitis… It's got me. I'll be dead in a week."

Harry laughed.

Hermione smiled "Just admit that Fred and George gave you a Skiving Snackbox."

"Aww. You take all the fun out of it." Ron sounded upset, but he had a pleasant smile on his face.

"She got what she deserved." Harry's mood suddenly darkened.

"Master Harry Potter?" said a squeaky voice at Harry's elbow. "Did Dobby do something bad?"

"Not at all, Dobby." Harry smiled. "You didn't do anything."

"But Dobby tripped and showered his books on the Headmistress." Dobby made a motion of thumping himself on the head with his fist several times; pantomiming the book's decent on Umbridge.

"Don't worry. It was her fault, not yours." Hermione told him.

"Well, Dobby wants to inquire about Harry's friend." Dobby looked around Harry to Ron. "He didn't look to good."

"It's something my brothers made up." Ron showed Dobby the bright orange tablet. "It makes you sick."

"Masters Fred and George are very smart." Dobby smiled.

"Can't wait for your next lesson, you really know a lot about Dark Wizardry." Hermione smiled.

Dobby looked down at his feet. "I don't know if it is so good that dobby knows all this."

"Well, your helping us prepares counter spells for frog face there." Ron grimaced.

Dobby smiled a leathery smile. "I will do any thing to help you."

"No Dobby. Now we need to help you get back at her." Harry answered. "There was something very familiar about that ferret besides."


End file.
